The Art of Eating
by Kevvy Talks
Summary: Now we find out how the residents of Las Noches and Soul Society eat.
1. Espadas

**Title: The Art of Eating**

**Characters/Pairings: Various**

**Rating: T (for language)**

**Summary: Now we find out how the residents of Las Noches and Soul Society eat.**

**A/N: This is a three-shot. The first chapter features the Espadas, the second the captains, and the third the lieutenants.**

* * *

**How do the Espadas eat?**

**Do they fix their own meals or do they have someone else do it for them?**

**Do they even eat?**

* * *

**Coyote Starrk: **"I'm too tired to go out and eat," he says, and slumps back over onto his pillow.

**Lillinette Gingerback: **She kicks Starrk's ass while demanding he fix her something, and when all else fails she goes to get something by herself.

**Barragan Luisenbarn:** "How dare you suggest I do something as paltry as preparing my own meals! DO YOU WANT TO BE LASHED?"

**Tia Harribel: **She gets one of her Fracción to do it.

**Ulquiorra Schiffer: **"What's the point of eating if I'm not hungry?"

**Nnoitora Jiruga: **"TESLA! I'M FUCKING HUNGRY! FIX ME SOMETHING, GODDAMMIT!"

**Grimmjow Jeagerjaques:** He takes another bite out of D-Roy. "GAAAAH! FUCK! YOU COULDA AT LEAST WARNED ME BEFORE YOU DID THAT!" D-roy howled, blood spurting like a geyser from his skull. Grimmjow's Fracción just laughed their asses off.

**Zommari Leroux: **"The power of my Amour is my food!" Five days later, Zommari passes out from food deprivation.

**Szayel Aporro Grantz: **He eats Lumina.

**Aaroniero Arruruerie: **"I don't want to go out into the sunlight. I think maybe I'll wait awhile longer..." A week passes and Aaroniero goes on an extensive binge after starving himself. He eats his Fracciónes every time this occurs until Aizen tells him he can't have Fracción anymore.

**Yammy Rialgo: **He eats Los Noches' entire stock supply, forcing Aizen to spend a large sum of money to restock.


	2. Captains

**Summary: What happens when its time for the captains to eat?**

* * *

**Shigekuni Yamamoto Genryusai: **He eats a traditional Japanese meal.

**Soi Fon:** As members of a covert operating unit, we must take advantage of every chance to hone our skills. Eating at night is a must."

**Rose Otorabashi: **"I think I'll play with my Flying V awhile longer."

**Gin Ichimaru (former captain): **He smiles. "Persimmons."

**Retsu Unohana: **She doesn't need to fix herself a meal. One of her subordinates always does it for her...because they don't want to think of what she'll do when on an empty stomach.

**Shinji Hirako: **He gets someone to take him out and they end up paying for it.

**Sosuke Aizen (former captain):** First...a cup of tea.

**Byakuya Kuchiki: **He's far too important to prepare himself a meal. He gets someone else to do it.

**Soujin Komamura: **Gnaws on a slab of steak.

**Shunsui Kyoraku: **He goes on a drinking binge until Nanao forces him to eat something.

**Kensei Muguruma: **He fixes his own meals.

**Kaname Tousen (former captain): **"Justice will lead me to a righteous meal."

**Toshirou Hitsugaya: **He makes sure Momo has eaten.

**Kenpachi Zaraki: **He never feels like deciding were to eat, so he lets Yachiru pick.

**Mayuri Kurotsuchi:** "Do you think I'm so inferior that I need to take valuable time out of my day to do something as useless as eating? Imbeciles."

**Jushiro Ukitake: **"I think maybe I'll take Rukia out to eat today. She'd like that."


	3. Lieutenants

**What happens when it's time for the lieutenants to eat**

* * *

**Chojirou Sasikibe: **He eats a traditional western meal

**Marechiyo Ohmeada: **He stuffs his piehole with rice crackers, which he always has on hand

**Izuru Kira: **He realizes no one's going to invite him to lunch and crawls off to his emo corner.

**Isana Kotetsu: **She usually accompanies her sister or her captain to lunch.

**Momo Hinamori: **She rearranges her peas in a portrait of Aizen.

**Renji Abarai: **He goes to get his captain's lunch before he eats.

**Tetsuzeamon Iba: **He goes to eat a manly meal among men.

**Shuuhei Hisagi: **"Oh, I'll definitely eat, just as soon as I've edited the latest issue, and I've got all this paperwork done..."

**Rangiku Matsumoto: **She hits someone up for money or gets her captain to take her out.

**Yachiru Kusajishi: **She spends hours giving Kenny the wrong directions to the nearest ramen stall before they give up and go find Ikkaku so he can take them somewhere.

**Nemu Kurotsuchi: **No one's ever seen her eat.

**Rukia Kuchiki: **She eats cucumbers with chappy-shaped cookies.

**Kaien Shiba (former lieutenant): **"OHAGI!"


End file.
